The Diary of a Small Angry Pathologist
by lilsherlockian1975
Summary: Molly is forced (against her will) to stay at 221B because of Dear Jim's return. She starts keeping a diary to help deal with her frustrations with a certain consulting detective. Sherlolly goodness within.


_**Please excuse some grammar and punctuation oddness... it's supposed to be that way. It's a diary for heaven's sake. I wasn't very careful when I wrote in a diary. **_

_**I own nothing EXCEPT Tedford... you'll see. Thanks for taking the time!**_

* * *

~Day 7~ (of being forced from my comfortable flat into the inhospitable confines of 221B Baker Street)

I have started this journal- diary- caption's log... whatever I choose to call it, as a means of self preservation (or possibly to keep from killing one consulting detective... not sure which.) It was suggested to by Mrs. Mary Watson, former God's knows what, current wife of John Watson. All in all it seemed like a good idea, as I was one more off colour comment from poisoning Sherlock's tea (which I apparently I need practice making.)

I am being forced to stay here against my will "for my own safety" because evidently if James Moriarty is indeed back, I will be on the top of his hit list (that's the last time I fake someone's death.) Okay, of course I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but damn if this isn't a huge inconvenience.

Today he asked me why I bothered wearing a bra at all...REALLY? As if I needed a reminder that I over-compensate for the size of my breasts. He was folding laundry, which I didn't even know he did. Mrs. Hudson seems to be in charge of his laundry, why he felt the need to go through my unmentionables is beyond me. Hopefully he got the message when I picked up said garment and beat him about the head with it, then stormed off to my room. Admittedly not my most mature moment, but I can only be expected to put on a brave face for so long.

Yesterday, I found him going through my hair care products. That led to an hour of questioning about my conditioning regimen, different scents and my apparent split ends (as if I've had time for a trim.)

Toby, the traitor... is completely in love with infuriating man child. He lays on his chest while Sherlock's in his bloody Mind Palace for hours at a time. The treacherous feline!

~Until next time~

* * *

~Day 10~

I am deeply concerned Sherlock will discover this. That is why I am hand writing it instead of keeping it on my laptop or notebook. Also am going to great lengths to keep this hidden from the consulting arsehole. I'm certain there is nothing he'd enjoy more than reading my deepest thoughts regarding my incarceration.

I move it after every entry, and only write when he is out of the flat. I have been working on a compound that will cause the notebook to self-destruct if it comes into contact with tobacco residue (as I know for a fact that Sherlock's been smoking again.) So far the results have been less than positive.

I had assumed when he insisted that I stay here that he would be quite busy with the investigation... I was oh so wrong. He's bored and taking it out on me, his favorite target. Yesterday, in the lab he said I was "moving slowing than Anderson on his worst day." Then when we got home he complained that he didn't want my cooking again that we should just go out and get something to eat. I, of course refused, made a sandwich and stormed off to my room.

This morning was the most unbearable so far. I came downstairs to find him sitting in his chair in nothing but a sheet. A SHEET! John tried to warn me about Sherlock's boundary issues but I never thought he'd... well, needless to say I didn't not appreciate his state of undress. Okay, I did... Good Lord his body is even hotter than I ever imagined (and I have spent a considerable amount of time imagining.) But for heaven's sake... When I asked him to put some clothes on he had the nerve to say "What's the point?" Like I'm not a woman or something, of course, that's the problem isn't it? He doesn't see me as a woman. Just an asset he has to keep safe. Like his mold spores he keeps in the lab... Well I have a plan... He doesn't have to see me as a sexual woman necessarily, but a woman with whom he's co-habituating.

Operation Molly Hopper Is A Girl is in play!

~wish me luck~

* * *

~Day 14~ (of keeping Molly safe, or as I call it – making her batshit crazy)

Well it didn't work. Or at least I don't think it did. First I tried walking through the flat in nothing but a bath towel. If he noticed I certainly couldn't tell. Then I pretended to be frightened of a spider (that I brought into the flat.) He said "kill it if you're so afraid of it." I said "No, I'm scared." But of course Mind Like A Steel Trap Holmes said "I've seen you kill bugs twice that big Hooper, what are you playing at?" Finally I called him up to my room to help me move some heavy boxes, he did it but gave me an incredulous look and finished with "You move corpses around with ease, but these were too much for you. You've been acting strange." Then he left. Like I said, I don't think it worked, mostly because the next morning I found him in a sheet in the sitting room once again. I finally decided that subtly wasn't going to work with him so I said "Sherlock, do you think it's at all appropriate to sit around in a sheet with a female house guest walking through the flat?" He looked at me as if I had lost my mind and said, "I thought you of all people wouldn't mind Molly Hooper, but if it bothers you I will make sure to be fully clothed at all times." - ME OF ALL PEOPLE! - Pompous asshat! He still thinks he can use my old crush against me! After everything! I responded with "And I will be sure to do the same." To which the king of pricks said "Oh, don't worry. You can wear whatever you like." Then he smirked... actually smirked! Of course, it's not as if he'd notice. Now I feel even less like a woman than before.

~Adieu~

* * *

~Day 16~

And then he does things like this... today, I was already having a rough morning, I had dumped an entire cup of coffee on my favorite jumper, probably ruined forever. Then I had two particularity difficult autopsies before lunch and was just getting ready to go grab a quick bite when Dr. Phillips comes rushing into the lab letting me have it about some paperwork error – it wasn't even my mistake. I tired to explain this to the over-barring idiot but he just goes on and on. Finally Sherlock jumps up and deduces the ever-living shite out of man (something about his family's money buying his way through medical school and that he could barely read a medical report and most likely not find a mistake on one if it was highlighted and circled in red ink. Then finished off with the classic; his wife recently found out about his boyfriend and was getting ready to clean him out, so he had much bigger things to worry about than tearing apart MY pathologist... since when am I his pathologist?) After that he took me to lunch, I ate while he sipped on tea and fiddled on his mobile.

He is maddening and confusing! But it was sweet in an oddly possessive sort of way.

~Be back soon... I'm sure~

* * *

~Day 21~

So, Sherlock's been gone for two days, he got a lead and he's off chasing it. This is more how I imagined it would be. Except I – I actually miss him okay. Urgh! No he's not here criticizing my tea or my cooking but damnit, it's weird not having him around all the time. Also I'm worried about him. And...well... Toby's depressed. I may have to take him to the vet, see if they can put him on kitty anti-depressants or something. I can't even say Sherlock's name because the poor thing meows and starts frantically looking from room to room. What the hell am I going to do when this is all over and we have to move back home? Poor cat... he has it worse than I ever did.

~Till next time~

* * *

~Day 23~

When I said I missed Sherlock that didn't mean I wanted his big brother to come by for a visit! However, that's what I got. Mycroft came by today, brolly and all. Stayed for tea, made a face with the first sip. Evidently none of the Holmes men approve of my tea making abilities. He just sat there in John's chair silently until I finally asked what he wanted. He said he was asked to check on me. WHAT? I have a security detail, his people no less. So why on earth would the British government need to check on me? We continued this uncomfortable not-conversation for another ten minutes. Eventually he finished his sub-par tea then as he was leaving he turned to me and said. "Mummy is coming tomorrow. Be ready at 1pm, good day."

I don't understand...why is Mummy coming and what grown man calls his mother mummy?

~Oh, there will defiantly be an entry tomorrow~

* * *

~Day 24~

Wow, I mean wow... who knew that two such inconsiderate, rude, almost inhuman... well humans could come from the nicest woman in the world. Mummy (she insisted I call her Mummy) is absolutely wonderful. We went to lunch and to a museum. I think, however she didn't get Sherlock's memo on his theories about relationships and such. I get the distinct impression that she was trying to talk him up to me. I tried to explain the whole former (okay still current, but dwelling) crush/unrequited love situation, but she would hear nothing of it. That's a mother for you. I guess they never quite give up hope. Mine certainly doesn't.

It was fun to hear about a young Sherlock and his pirate phase. She had photos- actual photos! I think this visit will defiantly give me the boost to keep me going here at Fort Holmes.

~Laters~

* * *

~Day 27~

So, Sherlock wasn't very happy to find out about Mummy coming by. He drilled me for over two hours about her visit. I'm surprised he didn't bring out the hot lamps. He seemed especially keen to know if she had divulged any deep dark secrets about him... I didn't have the heart to tell him that I knew all about his pirate phase OH... and I forgot to mention his brief obsession with the Cure (can't you just see it?) Obviously he is afraid his perfect reputation as bad ass consulting detective will be tarnished with one slip of my tongue. So I simply told him we enjoyed a pleasant lunch and trip to the museum, not entirely untrue. Besides I did keep his not-death a secret for over two years, he always manages to underestimate me, HA! Serves him right!

I'm gonna cut him some slack, he's pretty upset about not making any headway with the investigation. I actually feel bad for him right now, been sulking around in his PJ's ever since he got back. I will never admit this to a living soul, but I've been practicing making tea the way he likes it. Maybe that will cheer up the big grump...

~Peace~ (Peace? Not doing that again...)

* * *

~Day 31~

Evidently it's too dangerous for me to date! It's been months since Tom... MONTHS! I finally get asked out and Sherlock storms into my room tonight and says "What the hell do you think you're doing Hooper?" Really? I just happened to be standing there in a skirt and my sexiest bra. I shrieked and covered myself with the closest thing I could find which was my childhood bear (Tedford will be scared for life.) Then he preceded to remind me of my abysmal dating history (spending an inordinate amount of time on Jim from IT,) and how this wasn't the time to be looking for the future Mr. Hooper (really don't think he understands how marriage works.) Then he informed me that he already canceled my date because Mycroft's team was available at my every whim, just because I needed to 'get off!' I was completely speechless. I just stood there, clinging an old stuffed teddy bear to my underwhelming chest, tears pooling in my eyes. Finally he stopped his rant and his expression suddenly changed and he cursed under his breath, then said "that's a lovely bra" and rushed out slamming the door.

~I'm living in a nut house!~

* * *

~Day 33~

Okay, so Sherlock's been... nice? It's hard to describe. Nice may be too strong of a word. The day after the bra/teddy bear incident I was off work, Sherlock (for some reason) decided to knock around the flat all day. I chose to ignore him and try my damnedest to make him see just how far over the over the line he had crossed. He cracked before noon. I hadn't spoken a word, hadn't answered one question, but he continued talking to me and asking questions. Finally he cornered me in the kitchen asking if I'd make him some of my 'lovely' tea. I couldn't help but laugh. He smiled. So I made him the sodding tea (but I over-steeped it on purpose, little victories.) The next night he asked me if I wanted to play Cludo with him, (what the hell is wrong with me?) Of course he won, and of course he's an awful winner. I bet I'd kick his arse at Operation... yeah... Next time I'll suggest Operation and I'll win and rub it in his beautiful face!

~Bye~

* * *

~Day 34~

Got him to play Operation... and I won! Kicked his arse! It was awesome! He didn't even seem that upset to lose, which is crazy because I know how competitive he is. But I won fair and square... he even made me tea to celebrate (it was much better than mine.) Going to bed with a huge smile on my face tonight!

~See : ) ~

* * *

~Day 36~

He's off again, another lead... a good one this time. He looked worried when he left. He... he took my hand and kissed my cheek. Then he said, "stay safe Molly Hooper, I'll be back soon and your life can go back to normal." Why does he do things like that? It's so... I don't understand. I mean, if he were a normal man, someone other than Sherlock Holmes, I'd think he... But he's not so obviously it's nothing. I do miss him though. I always miss him. Just between us, it won't only be hard on Toby when we leave. Don't get me wrong I won't miss everything, but I will miss some things. If he wakes up before me he has my coffee ready and sitting on the table. And since he noticed me doing the crossword the first week I moved in, he always leaves it for me, sometimes right next to my coffee. If he's home in the evening he will sit and watch Doctor Who or an old episode of Star Trek, I don't even mind that he rips apart all the plot holes. I hope he's safe...

~Night~

* * *

~Day 39~

Sherlock's still gone, I haven't heard from him. Mary hasn't heard from John either. We just sit and wait. I sent a text to Mycroft, he said everything was fine. Oh, God... all I did was complain about him and now... what if something happens to him? What if he... Yes he drives me crazy but if he wasn't here anymore I really don't know what I'd do. Two years was horrible but at least I knew he was alive, or at least I had hope.

Okay, so here it is... because I'm feeling sappy and emotional... I don't have a silly unrequited crush on Sherlock Holmes. I love him. I always have. I always will. I know it's stupid and unhealthy but there is nothing I can do about it. I really did try. I tried to forget about him, I tried to love someone else, I tried to hate him. Nothing worked. I'm destined to be in love with someone who is incapable of love. I'm fine with that just so long as he is okay, alive and well. Please let him be okay. I miss him so much and it's only been a few days. Oh, and I'm taking Toby to the vet tomorrow, poor cat.

~Yeah~

* * *

~Day 40~

So this will be my last entry. Sherlock came back this morning. He rushed into my room and woke me up by, well tackling me basically. I guess I might have been missing some signs... but do you blame me? He's not exactly the Mr. Obvious... Yeah, so it turns out that he, well... Sherlock loves me. Wow. I still can't believe it (and we've already shagged twice...) God I hope no one ever reads this, especially my mum. Oh, by the way... NOT a virgin, no way that was beginners luck. I guess this does explain some of his behavior though it would have been easier (and a lot more fun) if he would have just told me before. I don't care though... I have him now and I'm finally happy! I know it won't be easy but at least I know what I'm getting myself into... he can be an inconsiderate tit, but he's my inconsiderate tit. Oh, that sounded weird. Ah well, got to go... Oh I almost forgot... James Moriarty is finally actually dead... for real this time. Yea! I'm doing his postmortem tomorrow, I probably shouldn't be excited about that... damn I'm weird. Ah, don't care... Sherlock loves me, so suck it everyone that thinks I'm strange... I finally found someone that doesn't seem to mind my oddness!

Best part is Toby gets to keep his new home and his consulting detective (who he seems to like more than me.)

~Molly~

* * *

_** Please let me know what you think. I love hearing from you all. Hugs! Lil**_

_****In case you were wondering (and I'm sure you weren't, Tedford was my childhood teddy bear.)****_


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